In honor of the release of Dragon Ball Z: Kakarot I wanted to go down memory lane, much as the game lets us do, and reflect on something that seemed to go unnoticed; all the times this anime just totally s*** on Chichi’s peace of mind.
1: Remember the time that Chichi thought her husband was taking their son to meet their childhood friends only to find out that he was murdered and her toddler was kidnapped by a former homicidal maniac?
2: Remember that time that two psychopathic aliens came to Earth and the frontline of defense was a former homicidal maniac, a lower than average height man, a serial cheater, a three-eyed man with his ambiguously defined partner, and yes, HER CHILD.
3: Remember that time that Chichi got her husband back, and her son survived a traumatic battle only to discover that her childhood friends were shipping him off to space to an unknown planet to retrieve magical balls that any other able adult could have volunteered for?
4: Remember that time that Chichi was in agony because she believed her brave husband died in a planetary explosion trying to save the galaxy only to get the tea from a magical dragon that he in fact survived said explosion but, like, wasn’t that keen on heading home any time soon?
5: Remember that time that Chichi’s husband got a life threatening heart disease right in the middle of the battle for the fate of all humanity? Ha, great.
6: Remember that time that Chichi’s husband took their son “for a day” to go train on the Lookout, but he really put him into a reality warping chamber that made her miss an entire year of their son’s life without warning?
7: Remember that time that Chichi’s husband left with their son to face off against the greatest evil the Earth had ever known and failed to mention that it was his plan all along to step back and let their eleven-year-old child handle the dirty business of killing the son of a bitch?
8: Remember that time that Chichi’s son survived the undiscussed fight against a legitimate monster to report that her husband was indeed dead again?
9: Remember that time that Chichi knew relief for an entire five minutes remembering that the dragon balls could bring her husband back only to find out that from the beyond he said, um, he was fine and would pass on the offer?? The F***…
10: Remember that time that after Chichi found out her husband would rather stay dead than go back home to her and their son that she was also pregnant and would need to raise two children by herself? Ha, ok.
11: Remember that time that after seven years her husband got the chance to visit Earth but the motivation was a f***** contest instead of just spending some time privately with his wife and kids?
12: Remember that time that during that visit Earth got totally F*****, she suspected her eldest son was dead, her youngest son was now the only hope for all humanity, and her husband was like, well, bye?
THEN after all of this, Chichi finally got her break and her husband came back from the dead, her sons were safe and sound, and they went back to the mountains to live their lives in peace forever? Yeah….
13: Wait? What’s that? Do we remember that time that they went to yet another martial arts tournament (for real, stop going, they never work out) and Chichi’s husband decided without ANY prior dialogue that he was taking some kid he JUST MET to Kami’s lookout for an undefined amount of time to train him with no intention of going home? HA, Chichi you poor F***. Have a glass of wine.